My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize