Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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