Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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