My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Someone signed my nipple.
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