You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
