Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
