Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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