My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
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He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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