I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
