I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
