my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
