Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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