I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
