I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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