The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize