Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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