New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
