If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
