I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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