All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
