i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
