i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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