You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
