wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
