So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
