The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
