He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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