Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
