just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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