she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
