Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
