you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
