im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
