Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
