i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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