I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
