if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The best revenge is premature balding
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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