That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
