Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
