thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
