She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
