She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
