did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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