I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
