I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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