It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
