16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize