i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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