I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
