the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
