okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
