okay pat passed out under dana's car
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
