omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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