i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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