I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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