You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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