I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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