if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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