Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
