Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
