he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
