I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
