I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
