She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
