what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I need to stop coming to work sober
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
