How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
