shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
