lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
