My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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