The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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