I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
