Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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