if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
