You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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