i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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