Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
