Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
