Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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