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• (817): View more from Texas

  i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side

  Fav 54 10422 1990

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You just said the magic words

  Fav 24 6184 1416

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".

  Fav 10 2340 3751

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.

  Fav 6 4743 1152

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude, its January.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  We're going to do the voices too.

  Fav 13 5785 1244

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.

  Fav 9 1717 3801

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.

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• (432): View more from Texas

  This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.

  Fav 10 2549 1476

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed

  Fav 25 2109 1224

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• (516): View more from New York

  perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection

  Fav 8 787 1988

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth

  Fav 0 1123 816

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me

  Fav 6 1412 644

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• (308): View more from Nebraska

  Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.

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