You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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