By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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