my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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