So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
